i'm still a size 12 which is great. i'm loving it, as justin would say. i feel good and feel i look good for the most part. and haven't purged since the 16th. so that's good too. roomie being sick has kept me at bay on that one. the girl is always frickin home. good lawd!!

the boy is fine. i like him a lot. and that bothered me for a while obviously. but now i'm just settling in to it and enjoying the butterflies and crushing. strange, but true. we talked on the phone last night and...it was just...great. it's like being in high school again where you talk about nothing but everything. my last boyfriend made me crazy. he ran my life and turned shit around on me and made me feel like it was my fault. so i think that's why i was so OCD about him liking me and wanting to be with me because my last boyfriend, Matt, made me believe that he would be gone at a moment's notice all of the time. and he grabbed my fat a lot. it's just not cute to grab or poke someone's love handles or pinch the back of their arms. i was fine and happy until i dated him. not that he's the sole cause of the issues, but he definitely helped them along. him and my dad. joyous people to be around.

anyways - i like seri and he likes me. and things are good and calm. i like that about him too. i won't gush about him just yet.

this weekend is going to be a long relaxing one. i'm planning to rent some movies and drink some wine. maybe go running a time or two. cook a little bit. things i know i can eat guilt-free.

i finally bought a battery for my scale and i'm a little freaked out. i want to know what i weigh since i've lost inches. but i'm also afraid of what the scale is going to say. it's so triggering and consuming. i don't know if i really want to know. this could lead to a laxative binge for me. like last weekend when i felt huge for some reason. i only took 8 though instead of 12 like normal. like that was something to be proud of. i don't understand it myself and i live it on a regular basis.

in other news: i haven't gotten my period yet. and i should have gotten it on the 26th. it's just a couple of days late. and i really don't think i'm pregnant, but there is the possibility. so that's been a secret i've kept for a little while here. and being the "christian" heathen that i am, i don't know if i'd keep it if i were pregnant. scary but true. i hate that i'm so iffy like that. there's little room for that with most christian people (one of the reasons i've pulled away from the church so much) and it bothers me. we all make mistakes. blah. i can't get into the christian spiel right now.

hope all is well with everyone. catch you on the flip side.