and so i have a shitload of things to do today but need to take a break and clear my mind of the craziness of my emotions. i'm feeling a little mood swingy today. so there's no telling how long this wistful sadness will last. but while i'm in the midst of it, i'd like to get it out.

so i signed up to be an alternate for a race that my company sponsors every year. i've done this twice now and never have thought that they would actually call and say that they needed me. well, they did this year. i was elated and petrified at the same time. but i accepted the offer to take someone else's spot that decided to drop out and just do it. and so i am.

in preparation for my run, i've been running at least 3 times a week, cross training with dance classes 2 days a week with rest for the other 2 days. it's been pretty fantastic so far. i'm not running miles and miles but i'm at 1-1/2 mi so far and hoping to be at 2-1/2 to 3 mi by the end of April. anyways...i digress.

so in preparation for the run i was thinking that i really need to get some strength in my legs so that i could start working on my speed and running for longer periods of time. well, my job just recently (within the last 6 months) built a gym in our building to accommodate the personal trainer they were paying to come out and train people at lunch and after work. so i've been talking to the trainer for tips and going down into the gym to run. well, the running is improving however, i still want more guidance as to how i should be building power and muscle more steadily.

my solution came in the form of PT (personal trainer) offering a new set of classes for the summer. mama is so happy. at first, i wasn't going to do it although a friend of mine kept begging me to. i mean, the gym downstairs was free and i would be paying PT like $400 to train me a long with other people in the class. so i didn't know if it were worth it. i've since decided that it is and have signed up to be the poster child for before and after pictures. (you have no idea how excited i am about it).

that brings us to today. i think seri and his mistress might be taking the class. i haven't talked to him in a couple of weeks. i'm trying to live with the strategy of just not talking to him at all if i can help it. i'm slowly realizing that i deserve better and i'm trying to get back to living like i deserve better. because if i were a friend of mine, asking me for help, i'd be pissed at me for just sitting back and taking his abuse. so i'm trying to be done. i feel like an addict - taking it one day at a time. but that's the best i've got so far.

also, seri is doing the race too and i think he knows that i am too but he hasn't said anything to me about it. he just knows that i've been running. so we'll see how he responds to that if he hasn't heard already.