i thought i was ok. i mean, really ok - almost surprisingly ok. then it hit me and i wasn't. when i was leaving my parents' house the other day on my way back to chicago i cried. i cried most of the way home. then i went to the funeral - a friend helped me drive - and i cried but was ok. but last night i was not ok. not ok at all. i texted a friend that knows about the eating and said that i just want to throw up until the tears stop. it's really annoying crying so much. feeling like a piece of you is dying is not fun either. i hate feeling things so deeply. it sucks. why can't i feel it the day of the funeral and then let it go? seriously.

the drama from the other day was that a friend of mine from work was fired. this place is fricking crazy. so many people with so many different objectives, you know? i know that shady people are everywhere, but it's just annoying to think that you have to be continuously watching for that knife in your back or you won't make it. so ridiculous. the things surrounding her being fired are just soo stupid and juvenile. i need to get out of here as soon as possible. it's getting to the point where i feel like i'm drowning in everything that i have to do here lately. I hate it.

other than that, i'm fine. not freaking out about weight even though there's been some gain. not freaking out about seri although he hasn't texted me back from the other day. i'm just tired and i have so much to do. so i'm going to pull myself together and hit the work like i don't have anything else to do. life will carry on right?

in funnier news, i'm pretty sure that i got caught in the rain walking to my car yesterday while wearing a white tshirt. i had a tanktop underneath it, but i'm pretty sure i got a couple of "what the frick" looks from the gays on the corner. good times...