so this weekend has been interesting.

Friday: i was conned into going to a holiday party. it was soooo ridiculous. there were girls dancing on girls and trying to pull everyone into it. i had to give them my line "black girls don't do that." we'll do some freaky shit, but most of us don't dance up on other girls. since there were not many desirable people i ended up on the couch with the best guy there. why i always end up doing some deviant shit at parties is beyond me. so of course everyone comes and sits near us as i start stroking his crotch under the pillow. fun but seriously annoying that i do shit like that. if i could have gotten a little action from him, i probably would have at that point. so i'm glad there was no opportunity for that.

that night on the way home dropping off my drunk 'mo friend, i got pulled over by a cop for running a red light. well, that's bull because the light was yellow. this is chicago, that's legal. so he asked how much i'd had to drink and i said like 2. he said that everyone says that and he could smell alcohol in the car so it must have been more than that. well, i've got a drunk ass passenger in the car - that's probably the alcohol you smell. whatever. then i couldn't find my insurance card because i suck. so i got a ticket for running the imaginary red light and for driving an uninsured car. well - then this f-er tells me to get out of the car for his "curoiosity" and do a sobriety test. i passed with flying colors and then was sent on my way. i had to ask whether or not i was getting my license back - nope. i can get in court, he says. drama. i was and am still so pissed about it. i was nice the whole time. he was being a prick. even drunk mo said that he was being a cunt. i never dispute tickets i feel i deserve and i was respectful the whole time. oh well. looks like i'm going to court.

Saturday: stayed home all day. couldn't find laxatives and was panicked. then remembered that i had fingers and that calmed me down. as much as i hate purging, it's an escape sometimes. so being the fatty that i am, i call and order thai food for dinner. 30 minutes later, an order of crab rangoon (which were free), mini eggrolls, 3 entrees of spicy basil chicken, panang curried chicken, and pepper and garlic steak and i was ready to eat myself into oblivion - i thought. my binge turned into an appetizer frenzy. i ate that and purged. then ate some pepper steak and rice and purged that. it was awful. i had to scream it out almost. yeah - i won't be doing that again.

Sunday: i was all bloated from the night before. i went to work for a little while with a friend and ended up going with her to her aunt's house to hang out for a little bit.

Today: i woke up late and still got to work earlier than i usually do. i feel all bloated and gross today too. and who was the first person i saw today? seri. i texted him this weekend and said that i wasn't going to ask him to come over anymore. i gave him my address and told him to keep it (he has a gps system) and call before he comes over - whenever that might be. who knows if it will happen. i told him i'm getting on my own nerves asking him to come over. i know it's getting on his. so whatever. i guess coming by was his way of being friendly after that. i think he thinks i'm crazy but really, he pisses me off on a regular basis. and we're not even dating. it's good times.

anyways besides being an ugly day, today has been good. i almost had a mini breakdown though. i called my best friend and told her that i don't want to do this anymore. meaning work here anymore. i think it was hormones since my period is supposed to start next week, but you know, i can't ever tell. everything just seems to get so hard sometimes and i just want the world to stop so i can work on it and get it right. but i don't have that luxury. so i'm thinking that i'm going back to school for real. i've been talking about it for a long time. i asked her if she thought all of this crap that i feel is fleeting and just hormonal and she said that she thought that i wasn't being ridiculous. she knows me the best out of everyone i've ever known besides my family. so it felt good to get it all out.

anywho - i'm done now. longest post ever is ready to stop. i think i'm going to leave early now. YAY!!