drove back to chicago from ga yesterday. pretty sure it was one of the worst drives i've had in a long time. i cried through most of georgia and tennessee. it sucked. it just hit me the night before last at my parents' house that she really is gone you know. i couldn't control it. so sad and lame. i texted seri while i was gone to have him come over when i got back into town for some self-medicating. but i couldn't bring myself to do it last night. too tired and emotionally fragile. if i was ever going to fall in love or attachment with him, it'd be now. so i decided to let it ride out for a while until i'm a little stronger. if not, i'll treat him like a boyfriend and that is not the way i want it to be. so that's that.

well, got tons more to say but i think i'm going to pack it up and go home now. drama i tell you. drama.