i didn't purge this weekend which is great. i am soo proud of myself. i wanted to so badly but i didn't. instead, i got up at a decent hour and spent time outside even though it was snowing like crazy and my hair looked like shit. good times.
friday i declined going dancing with friends due in part to intimidation (a guy i have a crush on was going and he is a great dancer and i had a bad feeling). everytime i have a semi-bad to bad feeling about going somewhere or doing something, my life starts to break down and something bad happens. so i've decided not to let people guilt me into anything that i don't really want to do. i wanted to see him but wasn't wanting to get another ticket or have another car accident. it seriously happens all the time. and if somebody told me that, i'd think, well stop driving like an idiot, but it's never just my being wreckless although it happens. so anyways i went to a lame party where i didn't really know anyone and then went home and crashed. but was awakened by various texts of the dancer wanting to know where i was and why i wasn't there or coming at all for that matter. so that made me feel good. texted with him the day after - all day. so that was great too. i don't think he likes me, but it's nice to have a crush.
that reminds me...friday at breakfast seri came up to me and struck up a convo. it was pleasant and not boring, but i don't understand him at all. asking me what my plans are and why i didn't invite him to my friend's christmas party. i was nice. just said - well you're the one that needs notice remember? and i just found out about it. (he needs notice cause he has a son and he says he has to get a babysitter, but i think he lives with his ex so she is all the babysitter he needs - and sex too i think - which is a whole 'nother post). then he tells me that he's going to be close to my apt next weekend. which means - i'm not going to invite you to go dancing with me at a spot close to your apartment but i'll stop by to get laid afterwards.) so we'll see how that goes. :-)
oh boys...they're all the rage until you can't read them...i think i have control issues.
i straightened my hair last night instead of cleaning the living room like i'd wanted. sometimes you just need a new hair do. it came out alright even though i've kind of forgotten how to do it. i've been letting it do it's curly 'fro thing for a little bit now and just don't have the finesse that i used to with it. so i'm kind of nervous for everyone to come in and see it. it's always this big deal. which is fine sometimes but most of the time, i just want to fade into the background. i don't really like attention unless i've drawn it to myself and am just in that mood. plus, my period is about to start and i'm a tad bit bloated. so that's on my mind right now too. whatever. i need to learn not to let food rule me and my moods. it's just so hard.
anyways - today's going to be a good day i think. i have my tall, no water, soy chai latte from starbucks, i have a head start on my day since i'm here super early posting, and i'm just deciding that i'm ok today. when you have that kind of attitude, no one can pull you down from your cloud, right? right.
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