i don't know what i'm doing....

seri's back and i'm maintaining stupidity. i understand how annoying this saga is for everyone. but hey!! imagine being in it. i have no idea what i'm doing.

after the party and telling him that i was mad that next monday. i ended up cussing him out over text message. i told him that he disrespected me and i didn't appreciate it. i said that even if we were just fucking there was no reason for him to treat me that way. that if he ever did treat me that way again, i'd castrate him. and he needed to "clean [his] game up son!!" well, i apologized for the castration comment. my feeling were extremely hurt and my hormones are all crazy right now. he came up and semi-apologized to me and we've been talking a little since then.

last night was the first time that he's come over since the incident. definitely a bootycall, but i was down with it. he's hot, i'm constantly horny...it was time. it was great too. that man does things to me no one else has ever done. i'm sore in places i've never been sore. it was great. afterward, i was thinking about all of the things i wanted to tell him and all the questions that i had about what we were and how we were doing this thing - and i decided that i would let him sleep. and i must have been staring at him at one point while he was sleeping because he opened his eyes and asked me if i wanted something - creepy right? felt weird and awkward and just said nope, that i was just thinking and laid my head back on his chest.

i've decided that i'm not going to corner him into answering tricky questions yet. i'm going to keep it calm and managed and move it on along with how it is. i don't know, something's just shifted and i feel normal again. so i'm just kind of hanging out in this normail place watching the world go by. maybe i just needed a good roll in the hay to release all of the pent up emotions i had. :-)

other than that, i'm good. he's good. he wanted me to call him yesterday but i didn't. not because i was playing games with him (well, kinda) but mostly because i was busy and figured if he wanted to talk to me he'd call. if not, fine. also, i always call when he tells me too. do i have to call every time? at some point he should make the effort.

alright. i'm done.