I know i'm not a man, but i LOVE the picture of the man covering his face. So cute and flirty.

let's see how life is...
work...is work. i like it for the most part. but every now and then it throws me a curve ball. a woman was fired in an adjacent department and now my coworker is applying for that job. it's hard to think of her leaving but i think this will be a great move for her. i think her career will advance really quickly and she'll get to where she wants to be sooner than she originally thought. and the best thing is that this opportunity comes at a great time becasue her mom had to have a surgery that sent her into early retirement. so now if A gets this job, then she'll be able to afford to send money home to her mom and things won't be so tough on her. so anyways, i said all that to say that i hope she gets it, even though it's going to be weird not working with her.

life...is going well. i'm taking a dancing class - bellydance that is. it's great and i love it. apparently i'm really good at it too. who knew that the girl that hates her body would be good at such a physical activity? well i am. so i'm thinking i'll be doing this for a while now. a friend and i are starting samba lessons tomorrow too. i'm soooo excited. i love dancing so i'm thinking that this will be my new way of working out. money permitting, i'm going to be doing this for a long time.

seri...he's fine. there's flirting and what not, but nothing's going on anymore. so that's good. i can see clearly that he treated me like a whore and really, i let him. so i need to correct that mentality for the next "relationship" or whatever i get myself into. a part of me is still so attached to him too though which is annoying. but i think it's because he "beat" me and i feel like i can't let him "win". stupid i know, but you know how that goes.

eating...it's fine. i haven't thrown up for about 2 weeks now - maybe 3. the time before last that i threw up, i busted a ton of blood vessels in my face and it looked like some weird red speckly rash. so that's what i told people it was. i also couldn't really breathe either. i was having an allergic reaction to something that i threw up and my throat was swollen. it was good times. i had to take benadryl for about a week to counteract the allergic reaction and just wait for the "rash" to go away. you'd think that would keep me from throwing up again, but i gave in the other day. i hate that i did. but i really don't think about it much anymore. so that's good. i feel like i'm getting better. and that's part of the reason that i love dance because it's taking my mind off of being "so fat". you'd think that it would make things worse but bellydancers are supposed to have a little cushion for the pushing. also, i'm down about 10 pounds naturally (the throwing up has never helped me lose weight) so that helps things too.

i think that's about it right now. i'm just working on making myself busy, making my apartment that i've been in for about 4 months comfortable and inviting for people to come over and hang out - which it seems like i've done because people are always asking to come over. i don't get it but i love it. i've been working on getting back into school for my degree. so that's something good that's been keeping my mind occupied and keeping me focused on getting better.

so that's what i've been up to. hope everyone's good. i still want to be thin but not trying quite so hard to do it the unhealthy way. :-)